The Doordash Taskforce is worse than we thought they are doing this cause Commons done paid for too much Turkey and they can’t return it. As a self-diagnosed bigback, I was able to sneak in and find out more. Now according to the Deans a major concern is people being on campus at night, this is of course after the driver drove on their lawns to deliver more font colors.
There were also some conspiracies mentioned at the meeting such as that every time a student orders one commons employee disappears. Another theory I heard was that Grubhub paid the school millions of dollars to eliminate the competition, which explains why the school is ALL IN this year. The Taskforce also addressed equity concerns, now how does equity involve ordering food, this is just another way to have another ASM speaker talk about their liberal background.
Now do not worry about this potential food ban coming to dorms near you. The best way to combat this is to boycott eating at commons and when half the student body loses 50 pounds they will need to make a change. My best tip is to order food to areas in downtown or order the hockey rink. We must stop his tyranny now!!! Also anyone got a 5 on them. I need my Popeyes.
