“Be a man.” These three words are simple. Yet instead of using them to promote healthy masculinity, they are used to trap boys and men in a mindset fuelled by fear of not fulfilling the accepted standards of “manhood.” Such promotion of toxic masculinity endangers society as it pushes many boys to act harmfully and distorts their perceptions of themselves, others, and broader values in life. As such, it is crucial to change what masculinity represents to young boys. I believe the best way to start the transition is to expose the standards that define traditional masculinity for what they are: lies.
The first lie is that athleticism shows your masculinity. It is considered ideal for a boy to be big and strong. Society glorifies this throughout countless books, movies, and shows that portray male heroes or protagonists as big, buff men. Yet what this reverence for physical prowess accomplishes is a culture where many boys who do not fit that standard are perceived as the “lesser” man. Consequently, they feel the need to prove their manhood and may force themselves to engage in sports, even if they do not wish to. While sports are an amazing way to have fun, exercise, or play competitively if you love to do so, the problem lies when boys are pressured to play sports because society has embraced the notion that success in a sport means success in being a “man.”
The second lie is the importance of not showing emotion. It is considered almost taboo for men to cry or show any real signs of vulnerability, as it makes them “weaker.” As a result, it is uncommon among boys to speak about their problems or struggles, even with their friends or family. It is also not as common for boys to consult mental health therapists, according to a statistic by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) that only 33.2 percent of boys aged 12 and older with depression consulted mental health resources in the past year, compared to the 43.0 percent of girls. Such suppression of emotions or the need to hide them is a chief reason why mental health issues are so prominent amongst boys. This is incredibly detrimental because oftentimes a buildup in emotions can cause an explosion, or may make people feel burnt out and a bit lost.
The third lie taught to boys is that sexual conquest is a testament to your manliness. It feels like there is an unspoken rule equating sexual prowess with heightened masculinity. For instance, James Bond is renowned for his coolness and manliness, and he is always pictured with a woman. There are few characters known for their masculinity that I can think of off the top of my head who have never been pictured with a woman. This culture that connects sexual prowess to one’s masculinity greatly contributes to the objectification of women and rape culture. In their journey to prove their manhood, the pressure to “prove themselves” can damage healthy relationships and overlook the importance of consent.
The fourth lie taught to boys is that violence shows your strength. Tracing wars throughout history, countless rulers started wars to prove to others and themselves that they were powerful, causing millions to die at the expense of one man’s ego. For example, as we studied in History 100, many Chinese emperors started wars with neighbors to prove that they held the “Mandate of Heaven,” the right to rule by heaven. In more modern times, this same mindset shows up in different forms. In certain aspects of media, such as music, there are countless songs talking about violence, murder, and scores of other harmful acts. Additionally, many movies show the hero killing groups of people. Even more, many of the video games kids play today involve shooting and killing. As a society, we should not idealize this, as this does and will reflect in crime rates in the real world.
The final lie taught to boys is that money is a measure of masculinity. This idea is so deeply rooted in society that it shows up everywhere. From a young age, many boys are taught that financial success is the ultimate marker of status, respect, and power. Our media glorifies money through simple forms, such as influencers flaunting luxury cars or celebrities giving tours of their mansions. This further entices kids to walk on the path where the only destination is money, as it shows them the respect and validation they can attain from it. Over time, these boys, who are now men, internalize the belief that their entire identity is tied to the number of digits in their bank account. Slowly, they may lose their sense of purpose as they continue to chase wealth or they may not pay attention to other important values such as family or morals.
Something as simple as the music we listen to or the movies we watch can reinforce these harmful ideologies of masculinity. As a society, we need to realize the lies that have pervaded us and their magnitude. This narrow definition of words such as “virility” has given rise to many of the problems we, as a world, face. We need to change what it means to be a man, to make all men feel accepted for who they are. And that starts with us.