Once a week, in the tunnels of Borden, all of the campus faculty meet to play Dungeons and Dragons. Dr. Kington, the dungeonmaster, wields dual 20-sided Andover themed dice, which can be heard clattering through the depths of the tunnels. Each faculty member joins their department’s team, working together to defeat the other subject’s teachers. The winner at the end of each year gets the top prize: First pick of clubs/teams to lead. The losers… have to join clubs where they actually do something…..
Each year, Dr. Kington gives an opening speech, praising the work done by the faculty in each department, and beginning the game. The first die is cast, and the battles start. Of course, this isn’t normal DnD, as the faculty aren’t cool enough to play my beloved game perfectly. In this version, the Deans can Veto any move for no reason, take 3 weeks to respond to important events, and assign GAPs to any players who cross their path. Dr. Kington and the admin participate in side quests, planning munches to artificially boost SOTA ratings while simultaneously living out of sight of every student on campus. The STEM department can calculate the exact probability of each event occurring, and occasionally brings meth from Gelb to keep the club entertained. The history department can keep track of everyone’s past moves, targeting players who have ever used ChatGpt. The English department does whatever they want.
With each team having a superpower, the game can begin. The Deans have won the last 400 years in a row, each time magically receiving 4000 points by the grace of a higher power at the end of the game. Occasionally, a stray Senior couple will make it into the game room, and be swiftly put to death by the Language Department’s concoction of every food from every culture put into one bowl. Overall, this mystical event is kept a secret, but not all secrets can be kept forever.
