After the Friday debate, the Andover Equivalent of the Dem primaries, the real debate only just began. OWHL scholars stayed up till exactly 9:30 tallying up the votes. Ultimately the decision of our “democratic” election was up to the trustees.
For years the outdated electoral college has worked to polarize our country. Thirsty for change, Co-President Candidates David and Piper decided to take matters into their own hands. The pair are champions of the newly developed Libertarian party—a party that caters to what the people want (and need) by being fiscally liberal and socially republican. Truly the best of both worlds. Instead of 5 dollar birthday stimulus checks, Diper promised job opportunities for students to work at the Den and at Commons, creating a far stronger source of income. Diper also pledged to the student body to recruit the best and brightest of Andovers Robotics, Rocket, and Math club to form an Innovation scholars task force.
Below is a map of the electoral college map with a quick explanation of the swing states. Gracie and Phillip are blue for Big Blue (Fascist Nationalism) and Piper and David are Red for Big Hearts (and big…)
With four of the five clusters at Andover having a leg in the presidential election, it is worth considering each cluster’s political history, and what they think of this election.
WQS – This day student haven was proud to say that a member of their own cluster won the popular vote, even though Diper lost the election. For the first time in 4000 years, day student dorms were not proposed in the election, leading WQS to descend into an anarchist regime, as day students took over Commons for a good ten minutes, before realizing the food sucks.
WQN – Swing state in the wrong direction. The cluster, usually pitted against WQS in a North vs South Korea type duel (WQN is north, everyone wants to get away from Rockwell), joined in celebration when they had another student rise to power. With how many school resources are required to manage these devious dorms, rumor has it that this cluster would have been sent to Siberia (Russia, which is slightly better than the JV football field) if they did not get a co-president into office to start paying off debt.
Abbot – Long Term Blue State. If only they’d open their eyes to what Diper’s initiative could promise them: Cardio Training for Abbot members so they can manage the walk without needing to catch their breath (Let’s Make Campus Healthy Again!)
Flagstaff – the American flag stands in solidarity with Diper. Flagstaff, known as the richest and most lucky cluster in the world finally found something that they couldn’t door dash. They will suffer in a new leadership where they might get slightly more free stuff, but they will have to walk.
Pine Knoll – the sad, lonely bystander which couldn’t even put a member into the finals. After literally not showing up to cluster Olympics, the secret society known as Pine Knoll (yes the whole cluster) will be commanding the school from the shadows, leaving themselves out of the race as a facade for their real plans. Nobody knows what goes on in the sanctuary late at night….
