Hello Andover Admissions Department,
My name is Pare Jr., well technically, Paresky Commons Jr, and I recently applied to your institution. I spent endless hours on your application, staying up till midnight on Zoom calls with my high school counselor while she wrote my essays. Yet last week, I opened the portal and was alerted of my placement on the waitlist. So here I am, humbly before you, attempting to demonstrate my interest in this institution. Since my 19th birthday, I have wished to join this esteemed Andover class of 2029. Although I know I am on the younger side of the grade, I can handle the pressure. I mean, do you know how hard it is to carry the weight of Andover’s gastronomy on your back simply because of your god given name?! Yet enough about that, let’s talk about going forward. Your essay asked me about an example of my perspective changing, to which I responded with a heartfelt essay about why I hate the letter P because all of my peers call me “piggy”. But apparently, my sob story wasn’t enough for you so take this.
As you know, my Dad, Paresky Commons, created the haven that serves food on campus. However, before he suffered this fate, he inspired me to pick up Crew. I have been training as a Coxswain for the past month, and I already have some Ivy offers 🙂 They call me the Iceberg because I make one side of the boat go into the air like the Titanic. Despite my 6’6, 429 lb stature, I assure you that I will be a good addition to the team, but there may be some rules we have to deal with, given that 5 other coxswains are in my stomach.
