Phillipian Satire: Bubble Soccer Injuries

This Friday, the bubble boys and their big plastic balls returned to our beloved campus. Here are the different ways students got injured:

Broken legs (tried to hit the Ronaldo “SUI” in the ball)
Assassinated by a horde of angry soccer sweats
Asphyxiation (student’s BO filled the bubble)
Plunged into Hell (asked a Freshman if they like his big ball(s))
Broken heart
Fell from sky (his friend’s “chopsticks” were not able to catch him on the landing)
Floated into space (XC Runner)
Car accident — rolled onto Main Street
Popped (not the bubble)
Starvation (could not get out)
Ate a Chipotle burrito before playing
Hit-sticked to death by Senior