It all starts with the truth: The vaccine is a hoax and my friends on Truth Social told me the boosters where only so Sleepy Joe and his friends at Big Pharma could keep putting microchips in us.
To fully understand my story, I have to go a bit further back. It was a gloomy Monday and I had begun my weekly hike to Sykes for my pubic lice treatment. When the nurse learned that I hadn’t gotten my Covid booster, she told me that I should just jump the gun and get it then. But there was an issue — how could I jump the gun when I left mine in my dorm?
Dr. Kington personally emailed me to threaten a leave of absence if I didn’t get vaccinated. I’ve been hoarding kilos of cocaine in my closet and all it takes to get kicked out is to not get vaxxed? Geez, I’ve been trying too hard.
When they asked me to pack up, I gave my gun and drugs to the deans because TSA is not chill like that. It’s the least thing I could do after they helped me escape this horrid environment and Friday ASMs. Now I have no guns, and no drugs, but at least I have my free will.