The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Sunday Classes

Monday through Saturday at Exeter are pure bliss. I wake up at 6:00 a.m. on the dot every day. I re-read the 85-page daily article and go over my preparation notes. The walk to class is stunning. The pure cement buildings remind me of the beauty of the Swiss alps. I get to the dining hall at 7:30 a.m. and eat my cream of wheat in a hurry, ensuring that I will arrive punctually for English. I don’t have time to talk to people on the route to class, as I am obviously in an all-out sprint to get there first and discuss the lesson with my professor. I am overwhelmed with excitement when I see the door is already propped open, ready for an engaged lesson. 

For me, class is better than sex (I’ve never had it, but I’m told it’s pretty rad). There is nothing like paying perfect attention to a 45-minute slideshow and asking complex questions about the deeper meaning. Or the rush when me and my best friend in the whole world (the girl who sits next to me in English, I see her almost every day!) disagree on the theme of the book we are reading. I will sometimes let my emotions get the best of me and break a pencil, but all’s well that ends well. The perfect way of ending my day is always a quick dinner with my cubing teammates and then back to the dorm for a marvellous six hours of homework, (five and a half if I don’t procrastinate!) This is paradise. I flourish, I thrive, I enjoy my life. 

Then Sunday hits, all of a sudden I have a full twenty-four hours with nothing to do. No intriguing classes, no action-packed debate practices, and a full twenty-four hours of time to do homework. On Sundays I feel no pressure, stress, or tension; how am I supposed to thrive in an environment like that? My parents always tell me to “talk to friends” or “watch Netflix” or “Go outside and touch grass.” I find this ridiculous! I believe in order to make sure that we can thrive all week long, 24/7, we should have Sunday classes. This way we will never have to take any breaks or have enough time to get a good eight hours of sleep. This way we will always be at peak performance. Let’s stop slacking off and let’s make Exeter the best learning environment possible!