The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Phillips Exeter’s Cricket Review

By Allie Encarnacion, Constantine Krenteras, and Emily Turnbull

Phillips Exeter’s Cricket is a school-wide talent show that provides students with a platform to express themselves freely. Upon stepping into Mayer Auditorium, students are bombarded with bright lights, poodle-designed pamphlets, and, due to the school’s strict dress code, more ankles than they’ll ever see again in their entire life. 

Exeter’s 2015-Greatest-Hits Dance Group. This group was formed from a love by Exeter of such high brow music as: “Cool for the Summer” by Demi Lovato and “Stitches” by Shawn Mendes. The creation of such a dance team makes total sense as 2015 cannot be beat when it comes to music. Their interpretive dance to “Trap Queen” by Fetty Wap last spring was truly moving. This year, they tried to push the limits, dancing to “I don’t F*** with you” by Big Sean. Havoc. Crying, screaming, throwing-up. No one had heard these words before. The dance was immediately shut down and the group is facing expulsion. ⅖ Stars

One of the most interesting acts was from Exeter’s Math club which presented prep, Jack Snooty, who solved a five-sided Rubik’s cube in complete silence. No special lighting, costumes, or music: just a man and his rubix cube. At one point a student threw their bra at him, and it all went down from there. Since his performance, Jack cannot leave the house without signing an autograph or seeing a pair. 5/5 great job Mr Snooty!!!

The following act was scheduled to be Red Strut, the school’s premier jazz dance group, run by Exeter’s boy’s water polo team. Unfortunately, the performance was cancelled due to several wardrobe malfunctions. An anonymous source reported that the students “didn’t have enough cake to hold up their speedos.” 0/5 Do some squats. 

Next up, a medley of songs by the legendary band KISS was performed!… By flautist, Calista Marisca ‘23. She ATE. Not even becoming out of breath from “Rock and Roll All Nite.” Calista’s face paint was intact all through the buckets of sweat she was expelling. It was a truly singular experience. One day I hope to match the joy I felt watching you play with something, but I am not sure I will. 5/5 Calista, Thank you. 

The most well received act of the night was undoubtedly from Duncan McCokin-Rawson ‘22, who performed an ASMR impression of Sal Khan, the performer’s personal hero. During his twenty-minute set, he recited tutorials on the unit circle, intermediate value theorem, and point-slope form through a Blue Yeti microphone. The entire crowd was asleep for the first time in years. ⅘ Great but next time try to be quieter.