The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: English 100 poems

Ode to Postmates (Haiku)

Postmates, Postmates! You 

Are there for me when mom makes

Tuna Casserole. 


Will I ever feel full again? 

Now that Freshman Fall is over and what is there to live for?

I fear that I will never feel joy again. 

Time’s cruel hands never stop ticking. 

I should have known… 

Soon Upper Fall, and then lingering death. 


I watch the snow coat my neighbor’s minivan,

I comment: “SO cute I can’t EVEN deal with how CUTE this IS QUEEN” 

on her vacation post, how I wish I could, too, be in Cancún.

Hair in the Shower 

At first I detested you 

I thought you were gross 

But then I realized 

You are so beautiful, 

You grow every day, 

And I love you, 

Hair in the Shower


10:15 has never felt so 

Early, Impressive Alumni

Make me feel as if 

I will go into finance

Like everyone else

And eventually donate a library. 

Common Room Couch

Reach inside, see what you might find:

A sock, off-brand Chex Mix, a foot,

Three TI-84s, and an old, old man

He remembers when Hale was a boys dorm