The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

U.S. Government Replaces Waterboarding with Chem-580 Lab Reports

Cluster Assassin Helps Post-Graduates See Freshmen As “Like, People”

“No Meat” Monday Coincides with Mysterious Disappearance of Widely-Loved Campus Dog

A Week of Rain Implies Monsoon Season Is Here: Will Our Crops Last Through Winter?

“The Eighth Page” Still Producing Exceptional Material, Unsurprisingly

Boy Who Doesn’t Actually Play Piano Sees No Problem with “Practicing” in Common Room During Study Hours

Freshman Boy Watching Thievish Senior Girl Riding Past Him on the Scooter He Lost Last Week