The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Ruler of a Kingdom Far, Far Away Learns Valuable Lesson About Kindness From Talking Animals and a Mild Dose of Ecstasy

Student Who Dreamt of History Being Canceled and Death By Gorilla Attack Gets Class Off and Prays They Are Lucky, Not Prophetic

Lifeguards Who Preached Patience When Persistence Was the Answer Dismayed to See Drowning Victim Never Come Up

My Mom Wants You To Know That You Deserved It More, They Must Have Cheated Or Something

Delighted Author Begins Inspired Piece About Universal Youth After Seeing Young Child Get Hit With “Up High, Down Low, Too Slow”

In 2056, Non-Sibi Day Just Cheap Labor For Local Businesses Without Having to Go Very Far