The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Students and Faculty Both Surmise Reach App Would Be Less of a Failure if Zuckerberg Went Here Instead of Exeter

Lower Paul Revere Girl No Longer In Withdrawal After Being Without Perk For “Like, So Long”

Sykes’ New Initiative to Connect Sickly Students with Nature Causes Poison Ivy Outbreak

Conspiracy Theorists Continue to Profess That the Class of 2023 Doesn’t Actually Exist

Incensed by Planters Trail Mix, Squirrel Population Becomes More Aggressive Than Ever Before

Gunga Completes Full Moon Transformation and Retreats Into Sanctuary As Real Gorilla

Another Harvard Graduate Added to Head of School Short List