The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Academy Accountants Notice Extreme Surge in Commons Corn Budget

Admissions Declares Application Process Over to Free Up More Time for the Shuman Photoshoot

Small-Town Girl Steps Off the Bus and Onto Campus With Nothing But A Suitcase Full of Dreams

“I Miss Pasta Mondays” Says Student Who Was Promptly Tarred and Feathered

Heated Argument Over the Pronunciation of “La Croix” Leads Distracted Student Right into the Middle of Someone’s Abandoned Tar Patch

Brace Scholar Mistakes Tar Patch for Politically Suggestive Art, Forms Protective Protest Around it