The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Blind Date: ‘I think his credit card got declined?’

Zeb Rawlinson and Amy Schlacter

Zeb Rawlinson

54 years young / Pencil salesman

Last thing he read:

GX8 Pen digest —he likes to scope out the competition.

Dailymail.com—he’s a total Anglophile.

What makes him a catch: Has his own car, except for Mondays and Thursdays after 5:00 p.m. when Grandma wants it back.

Amy Schlacter:

24 / 7 Semi-professional diva and rejected Bachelor contestant

Her interests: Walking poorly in heels but refusing to take them off.

What makes her a catch: Only one to get kicked out of her sorority in her four years at SMU.

Off to a Strong Start

ZEB: I’ve got high hopes because you know what they say, 27th time’s the charm.

AMY: He pulled up to my apartment in his 2007 Ford Taurus. I was so impressed!

The Details

ZEB: She came dressed in the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.

AMY: I guess he doesn’t appreciate mink.

ZEB: I ordered us some drinks and asked the guy to “put it on my tab,” to be cool.

AMY: I think his credit card got declined?

ZEB: I could always make her laugh, no matter how cheesy the joke.

AMY: The food was fine, but nothing like I’ve had in Prague.

Post-Mortem

ZEB: I’ve already told my parents about her!

AMY: He seemed a bit delusional. He showed me a picture of just himself and said his parents always take a big family photo at Christmastime.

ZEB: I offered to drive her home, but…

AMY: I Ubered from the restaurant and I’m pretty sure I saw him climb into a box near the bridge.

Second Date?

ZEB: Oh ya, without a doubt.

AMY: I never want to see that creep ever again.

Overall Grade

ZEB: B-    (I’m definitely out of her league)

AMY: C    (Now I know what not to look for)

Feb 15, 2019