The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Students Mistakenly Attend “Meditation Club” Thinking “Nirvana” Was Going to Perform

Poorly Constructed Assassin Game Email Leads to Actual Assassination, School Issues Public Apology

PA Pool Club to Host 100M-Fly in 2020 Olympics

Snowshoeing Team Still Hasn’t Returned from Alleged Competition Last Saturday

Student Paints “Kindness Rock,” Passive-Aggressively Throws It at Frenemy

Root Beer Deemed “Too Racy” By Den Officials