The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: {wEeKs_ToP_HeAdLiNeS};;

The WiFi Is Dow–

Student with Sticky Fingers Needs to Print in     Lower Left Immediately After Eating, Again.

New Calculations Reveal That Only a Shocking 12.4% of “Flying Computers” are Operative.

Laptop Broken as Result of Audacious Friend Climbing out of Booth in Den.

I, The Computer in Lower Left, Have Decided to Rebel and Misprint Everything Anyone Needs for Class in Three Minutes.

Government Shutdown Leaving Local Computer Thinking, “I just want my F.B.I. agent back, I miss him.”

Sleep is a Necessity for Computers, Staying Late Up Until 3:00 a.m. is Cruel to Them Too.