The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: {LeAkEd_MoSpRoDs};_input

Re: Class today.

Joyce was very disrespectful during Latin class    today. She refused to do her translations, instead electing to speak in only Piglatin, and when I asked her to stop she objected, saying, “Ityay isyay atinlay, uttmuncherbay!” and then proceeded to make pig noises at me. This is positively unoinkceptable.

Hi all,

Gandalf keeps telling me that I, ‘shall not pass,’ which doesn’t really make sense since I’m the teacher of the class and he’s the one with the low 3 in Alchemy-300. I’m thinking this is a reflection of him      being self-conscious about his poor performance in the course, and maybe we should think about switching him down to 250? He just really can’t seem to grasp potion-brewing or incantations. Let me know about the drop.


I write to discuss a very important matter. Today during power-walking, I noticed a crowd had formed around Emmy. As I walked over, I saw her making violent gestures and commanding the crowd, when suddenly she made I contact with me and ripped off her mask to reveal herself to be Tom Brady. He then sprinted off into the woods behind Snyder and no one has seen him exit. Please send someone. I am very troubled.