The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

Gelb Lab Showers Really Nice to Just Relax In

Student Who Wants Stricter Parietal Rules Also Wants Pasta Monday Back

Computer Uprising “Nothing to Worry About” Say Inhabitants of /{User’s_Local_Area};)/

Varsity Power Walking Team To Send Six Recruits To D1 Schools, Says Coach Walksa Lot

Commons Worker Reveals Secret Ingredient Inside Stir-Fry Was Love All Along

Senior Tea Suspended As Government Shutdown Continues Into Fourth Week

Shocking Investigative Report Reveals Palfrey Made Unilateral Decision to [REDACTED]