The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Christmas Presents We Returned

Staff Report

Jan 11, 2019

Oma’s authentic Dutch clogs

Reason: They gave me foot ulcers.
Reason: Already worn (by Oma).

A bionic mannequin replica of 2017 Danny DeVito

Reason: I prefer his earlier work.
Reason: He’s a hack.

The Christmas sweaters all my friends got me

Reason: I’m Jewish.

Ten Lords a Leaping

Reason: Don’t know what to feed them. There’s only nine now.
Reason: The box they came in didn’t have holes. :/

The Artificial Intelligence they told me wasn’t sentient

Reason: It tried to return itself.
Reason: {null}