The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Classifieds For The Lovelorn: Marco Chapa


Andover can be a lonely place, and it’s not always easy to meet new people. So every week, we highlight one real, actual student who is on this campus and looking for love (serious relationships only — we don’t advertise hook-ups). If interested in putting your name here, email

Cool Facts About Me!

The Beef Master™ is a “dual purpose” breed, meaning it blends strong maternal traits with excellent growth and carcass abilities. The cattle are heat, drought, and insect resistant, raising a heavy calf each year, and the bulls are aggressive breeders.  Beef Masters™ are intelligent, gentle, cattle that are a pleasure to work with. This is why the Beef Master™ is known as the “profit breed.” I am a Beef Master™ among men.

I can brew traditionally fermented Wakayama-style soy sauce.

Can give a rendition of “Hace Falta Un Beso” by El Chapo De Sinaloa in perfect tune.


Is socially liberal, fiscally conservative.

Is a spineless centrist.

Ideal Date Spot:

Typically, I enjoy the Mediterranean variety of dates grown in the southern hills of the Kesrouan province of the biblical Lebanese mountainlands. As of recent, however, the dates of a local bazaar known as the “Market Basket” located 20 minutes outside of Methuen have proven to be a worthy competitor.