The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Overheard on the Paths

I’ve made the decision on my parents’ behalf to avoid contact with me until Thanksgiving.”

“Next week has me really exhausted.”

“I wake up in the morning feeling a shade of flamingo.”

“Purell is an illegal substance.”

This is the first time I’ve seen daylight since yesterday at 2:45.”

“Midterms are my ‘turning-point.’ ”

“Nut allergies are just a form of natural selection.”