The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Does Anyone Else Smell Fire? It’s Prom Roasting Time!

Avery Westerfield ’18 & Warren Christopher ’18

Flour is a spice, right?

Grade: “So, uh, where are you summering?”

Rudd Fawcett ’18 & Cecelia Vieira ’18

They censored our joke, again

Grade: Plipcest

Rebecca Radebold ’18 & Kyle Welch ’18

Is that allowed??

Grade: Voyeuristic

Charlie Mayhew ’18 & Grace Rademacher ’18

It’s for a secret UTB video

Grade: Please come back

Jason Reynolds ’18 & Melanie Singh ’18

Is Jason’s family donating a beautiful new athletic center?

Grade: Then he’s not the one for her

Andrew Wang ’18 & Sydney Marler ’18

He made her take a physics entrance exam first

Grade: 6.01

Sam Bird ’18 & Elaine Irvin ’19

Things will be different this time

Grade: He’s in it for her rowing blazer

Nick Demetroulakos ’19 & Eastlyn Frankel ’18

They held a forum to gather student input

Grade: Governing is serious business

Alex Bernhard ’19 & ???

No one’s even going this year, mom

Grade: Celibacy is a choice

Thomas Macwilliams ’18 & Sophia Gilmour ’19

Another spring term, another senior

Grade: In public this time, though

Colby Gendron ’18 & Ale Macaya ’18

Above and beyond the duties of a manager

Grade: Anything to wreck the Ex

Pierce Bausano ’18 & Ananda Kao ’18

The sole reason the booths in the Den had to get reupholstered

Grade: Varsity

Reuben Philip ’18 & Sarah Rigazio ’18

Integrating big blue spirit into ~every~ part of their lives

Grade: Non Sibi 😉

Isabella Berkeley ’19 & Andrew Antonucci ’18

“Oh no, you’re in this group chat”

Grade: no comment

Brita Luke ’19 & Connor Devlin ’18

We feel bad for their roommates

Grade: It’s a long summer, you know?

Ward Bradt ’18 & Charlie Murphy ’19

DISCLAIMER: No hearts were broken in the making of this pair

Grade: Bartlett Boys do everything together

Anjunae Chandran ’18 & Cameron Hui ’19

The final plot twist (hopefully)

Grade: Long con?

Bobby Dall ’18 & Emily Batchelor ’19

She didn’t even want a promposal anyway

Grade: Get your act together

Conor Zachar ’19 and Eva Chilson ’18

Emailed the wrong

Grade: “Eh, I’ll roll with it”

Annie Lord ’19 & Sami El Solh ’18

Will he finally put on a shirt for the big event?

Grade: Annie hopes so

Ace Ellsweig ’18 & Clara Steiner ’19

Second cousins at least, right?

Grade: He needed a place to stay during Grad Week

David Tsai ’18 & Somya Mohindra ’18

The final phase of David 2.0

Grade: We’re just as surprised as you are

Georgia Ezell ’19 & Giacomo Marino ’18

Track? Track.

Grade: The new crew team on campus

Ishaan Patel ’18 & Anushree Gupta ’18

She can reuse the dress for their wedding!

Grade: & Phil

Larson Tolo ’18 & Isabelle Bicks ’18

I heard only three of those concussions are from the field

Grade: A lot of pep talks, probably

Bob O’Donnell ’18 & Isabelle Beckwith ’18

40% chance of a sleeveless tux

Grade: 100% chance of sports talk

Xander Peterson ’18 & Nicole Cho ’19

Both big fans of ‘retreats’

Grade: Now we’ve seen everything

Annie Donahue ’18 & Max Levi ’19

What even are they?

Grade: “She’s like my sister”

Malcolm Essaid ’18 & Marieta Rojas ’18

They wouldn’t let him take a mirror

Grade: Messiah complex

Morgan Cutts ’18 & Kiki Kozol ’18

8 inches*

Grade: *Nail length