The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: This Week’s Top Headlines

T.U.B. Plans to Switch it Up and Fill Bathtub with Emergen-C

Student Left Feeling Embarrassed and Dejected After Realizing Dance Open Doesn’t Mean Anyone Can Get on Stage

Student Performance, ‘Jessica, Why Won’t You Go Out With Me’ Smash Hit

Students, Once Again, Apathetic and Unimpressed by the Ice Sculpture in Paresky Commons

Oblivious Junior Prefers Lawning in the Knoll

Sykes in Chaos After Students Complain of Allergic Reactions to the Year of the Dog