In which one Eighth Page contributor probes both sides of a controversial issue. This week, Aidan Barber ’20 tackles the season of WINTER.
There is no need for me to write a piece about the pros of winter, since no one in the history of music has ever put it more beautifully than Quavo: “The freshest you gon’ be is in the winter cuz that’s when ya get to put everything on… ya dig?” It’s always going to be winter if you have enough ice on. There are, however, some advantages that Quavo does not cover. In the spirit of ‘Non Sibi,’ put yourself in your teachers’ shoes. Imagine them looking out of their windows in the morning and seeing an amount of snow which would certainly prevent travel. Whereas you see an inconvenience, they see an excuse to not have to see your face for just one blissful day. Most importantly, the winter brings hot chocolate, a noble drink dating back to the seventeenth century. If you are going to argue that you can drink hot chocolate in other seasons, I invite you to try a hot chocolate in the summer and tell me it doesn’t just make you miss winter. Finally, the freezing temperatures bring ice, nature’s gift of a giggle every time someone eats it on the path.
The cons of winter are endless. How many Canada Goose jacket jokes need to be published in the Eighth Page until people see that they’re not funny? How many Canada Gooses (Geese?) must be sold until people realize that they are not only unethical, but also unoriginal? The aforementioned wipeouts might be a pro of winter when they happen to your peers, but there’s really nothing more humiliating than a viral video of that time you fell down the stairs outside the gym and broke your wrist. Snow is very beautiful for a day or two, but it soon turns into that salty mush that gets into your shoes and has a great brown color similar to the dishwasher coffee they sell in the den. Finally, is there any worse feeling than a freezing cold toilet seat? I think not.