The Eighth Page

The Eighth Page Presents: The Exonian- Who Wore it Better? Salmon Shorts Edition

There are two things that distinguish us from the other Phillips: Mark Zuckerberg and a love for salmon shorts. In fact, historians say John Phillips himself was rather fond of salmon shorts. Furthermore, let it be remembered that we had the first “Salmon Shorts” instagram account. Sadly, this week, instead of a source of pride in our community, salmon shorts have caused nothing but havoc.

On Wednesday morning, despite the near-freezing temperature, Chad Kusain ’18 and Brad Shane ’18 found themselves in every student’s worst nightmare when they noticed their clashing outfits. Chad and Brad, who both summer in Nantucket, had apparently visited the same Vineyard Vines and purchased the same limited edition salmon shorts, differentiated from regular, non-limited edition salmon shorts thanks to their distinct Monticello Peach hue. The rarity of the shorts only made their faux-pas more noticeable.


Kusain paired his washed-out salmon shorts with maple Sperry’s, a white Ralph Lauren polo, and a backward beige Patagonia cap. At press time we asked Kusain, a Senior from Greenwich, Conn., how he composed his outfit. “It was really cold out, and I wanted a pairing that would say, ‘I’m Chad. I play lacrosse. I don’t get cold.’ The shorts were the most important part —
anyone who recognized that hue of
pink was worth my time.”

Spawning sockeye salmon jump up Brooks Falls in Brooks River Katmai National Park Alaska


Shane from Concord, Mass., paired his salmon shorts with almond Sperry’s, white Nike Elites, and an ocean blue Abercrombie shirt — points for originality. Later on in the day, as Kusain helpfully pointed out, Shane was spotted sporting a Patagonia jacket, as he was too weak to withstand the cold. Kusain also commented that, “Brad probably can’t even tell the difference between Monticello Peach and Mellow Coral.”

These shorts are a staple of our school. A true artwork that only some can perfect. We leave it to you, our faithful readers, to determine who wore it best, and whether either of the boys were worthy to wear them at all.

P.S. And please, next time you decide to wear a limited edition hue of salmon, be sure to let your friends know first.