The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: This Week’s Top Headlines

Ghosts Weren’t the Only Things Booing during Halloween Dance

“Sunday’s Storm an Omen of Things to Come,” Reports
Local Ne’er-Do-Weller

Licensed Lifeguards Implement Impromptu Swim Tests for All People Wearing Lifeguard Costumes

Andover Parents to Sue in Response to Falling Tree on the Great Lawn

Salem Witch Trials Reenactment Goes Horribly Wrong on Halloween Night

Senior Dresses Up in Halloween Costume for Pictures, Stays In to Work on College Apps Instead

JuniorsThought the Halloween Dance Was “The Best Ever”

Scariest Costume at Abbotween: Revived 4×5 Schedule

Brand New Website Successfully Makes Important
Information Even Harder to Find