The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: Tips for New Students!

— The bigger the group, the more fun you’re having.

— Mrs. Elliott can’t force you to greet strangers on the path.

— If you’re feeling overwhelmed, just remember that it’s only going to get worse.

— PAPS isn’t allowed to chase you, but they are allowed to gossip about you.

— Keep your friends close, and your lanyard closer.

Andover Must Have’s:

— A name tag with your favorite dog breed and who forced you to come here.

— A sense of humor about your idea of success.

— Open mindedness or a varsity jacket.