The Eighth Page

Phillipian Satire: The Week’s Top Headlines

-Lower Boy Chewing Gum at Dance

-Freewheeling, Loose Cannon Administrator Throws Out Proposals for 6×8 Schedule

-Dumb Cherry Blossoms Fall All Over Cookies

-Blah Blah Blah Don’t Litter on the Lawn Blah Blah Blah

-Guest Hypnotist Hypnotizes Student to Forget All SAT Prep

-Faculty Introduction to Means Essay Declamation Wins Award