The Eighth Page

Features — Phillipian Satire: Top 10 Ways to React to Trump’s Inauguration

10. Throw tea into the Boston Harbor.

9. Play the music of all the artists who declined to perform to block out the sound of his speech.

8. Delete Twitter.

7. Share fake news.

6. Secede.

5. Start taking a Russian course.


3. Continuously chant, “He’s not my president.”

2. Tell yourself hand size doesn’t matter.

1. Climb Trump Tower.