The Eighth Page

Features — Phillipian Satire: Icing Into Inclusion: I Feel Excluded

Andover, I’m tired of being oppressed by your random selection of who makes Varsity Hockey. Look, I get it, I’m not one of the “cool kids” who have all their fingers, but at a certain point my hard work and determination should be enough to make up for my lack of experience.

I consider myself reasonable, but when the coach says, “I’m cutting you because you showed up to tryouts without skates and starting crying, and then tried to stab Jamie when he offered you an extra pair,” I just don’t feel like part of the community because by cutting me for crying the coach is perpetuating stereotypes of toxic masculinity.

This issue is serious and campus-wide and the proof is that it affects me, and others, probably. The point is I want a chance to star in my own personal version of “Miracle on Ice,” and I always thought Andover would support me in this lifelong dream. The fact that there are no support systems that will allow me to steal all the pucks from storage when I see recruits make the team is frankly insulting and marginalizing.

We as a school have to come together to support the silent masses like me who are tired of getting turned away from ordering varsity jackets because the people working in the stockroom “can’t understand me when I’m foaming at the mouth.” Why should the Post-Graduates feel like they get the right to just skate around with one of those Big Boomerangs of the Rink while I’m forced to get ejected twice a week for “booing at a bunch of faculty kids free skating”?

I want a solution and I don’t mean to sound uncooperative, but I want it now. Hockey might be just a silly board game to a lot of you, but to me it’s my ticket into “America’s Got Talent,” and I demand that everyone on campus support me.

I want to thank The Phillipian for allowing me to use it as my own personal journal.