The Eighth Page

Features – Phillipian Satire: Chloenellas’s Corner, A weekly decree by Chloenella Cat ‘792 AD

Skin of Goat Boot

These boots are really simple to make. All you have to do is rear a goat from its birth, skin it, cure the leather for three months using marsh salt, and then stitch together the boots – make your own needle and thread out of the bones of your enemies (Tip: Use the excess bones as interesting jewelry). Wear these boots to add an instant wow factor to your outfit and don’t forget to put in a detachable fur lining so you can really funk up your style in both winter and spring!


Woolen Ankle-Skirt

These too, are a fun DIY for domestic women staying at home tasked with making clothing, raising children, cooking, etc. This piece is essential to any woman viking’s wardrobe, as it can be easily matched with other pieces of itchy and ill-fitting clothing, like the hair shirt. To start, layer an apron over it for a stylish look while cooking. Also, this skirt pairs extremely well with the loose fitting long woolen pants that all women must wear to survive in the brutally cold Norse regions.


Silvery Helmets

Hey, guy vikings! Throw on this classic silver helmet for a stunning look every time. First, find a suitable ore deposit in the ground, preferably iron. Then, build a typical stone bloomery furnace along with a bellow. Once built, insert the charcoal, start the fire, and bellow away until it reaches 2,000˚ – 2,400˚ F. Finally, add your ore, let the slag filter out, and place into a mould. Voila! So simple, in just four years of apprenticeship and three months of building, you’ve made your silver helmet. Mix and match to discover interesting combinations!