The Eighth Page

Features Star Student: Señor Spring ’16

After coming back from a deserved Spring Break, Señor Spring ’16, everyone’s favorite student, returns from hibernation eager to half-ass his assignments and make the most of his last term at Andover.

Because Spring never completed his graduation requirements such as Art, Music, and P.E. during Junior year, he finds himself in classes alongside students multiple feet shorter than him. The two courses that Spring must take in order to graduate, Lighting and Music 225, have proved to be taxing. Although the skills Spring learns in these classes are very helpful, he finds himself lost in dreams about college or the nap he plans to take later. In fact, Spring chose to enroll in these two courses after consulting his recently-graduated friends, who promised that he would get a four in each class, which at this point is equivalent to a six for most Seniors.

When he isn’t doing homework (a.k.a the leftover 24 hours in each day), Spring spends the rest of his time playing tenni-golf, learning all of the lyrics in Kanye’s “The Life Of Pablo,” lounging in the Den, walking around pantless, freesstyling in the Chapel bathroom, and watching “Gossip Girl” for the third time. I know what you’re thinking. Tenni-golf, playing explicit music, and roaming without pants is strictly prohibited! Spring knows, and he doesn’t give a shiitake mushroom.

In order to make time for his favorite activities, Spring ignores all of the work that he’s assigned in Math 650 and Physics 550, telling himself that missed assignments will not impact his grade and that he will manage to leave the term with a disappointing but passable report card. When confronted by his teachers about why he didn’t complete his homework, he wastes no time crafting creative excuses and instead tells his teachers that he simply didn’t want to do his homework. His excuses work without fail, and after a few weeks, his teachers stopped asking him about his missing homework – success once again for Spring!

Spring plans to glide through the rest of the term, knowing that he will not have to lift a finger until September. He will say his final goodbyes at graduation, make a brief appearance on the six o’clock local news, and then disappear until college. See you never, Señor Spring.