The Eighth Page

Your Thoughts During ASM This Week

Junior: Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually here; I even got cat-bonered yesterday. The school really believed those exaggerations and lies on the application! This is so surreal. Are four more years supposed to be a bad thing? Mr. Palfrey’s speech is so inspirational! Everyone else is laughing so I’m going to laugh too. What’s so funny about walking on grass? Hey, where’s my BlueCard lanyard?

Lower: What’s for lunch today, more Beyond-Meat? I’m so glad that I’m not at the bottom of the totem pole anymore; no more ten o’clock lights out. I’ve never felt so alive. Gotta keep flexing, so many new Lowers around me to potentially choose from. Here come the teachers. HEY, that’s the one who gave me a 3 last year for Bio 100! Ugh, why is this taking so long?

Upper: Upper Year, what am I going to do? Look at the Seniors – that’s gonna be us next year. Which one of those is my guardian angel again? Eh, doesn’t matter… he clearly doesn’t give a crap about me and my 3.0 grade average. Did they just say sevente- SEVENTEEN!

Senior: SIXTEEN! Ugh, our class sign isn’t the one I voted for, but I’m so excited to do one more year and get the hell out o– SIXTEEN! (Takes out phone to take snapchat video). SIXTEEN! This is getting a little obnoxious. Can we just stay standing up? This is getting old. Why is everyone else so exci- sixteen! This really isn’t as fun as it seems. Yay, sixteen.