The Eighth Page

Top Ten: Andover Fairy Tales

10) The Gingerbread Man: doesn’t bother running away because everyone has gone gluten-free.

9) Rumpelstiltskin: steals your bae.

8) Emperor’s New Clothes: perfect style for Gommons.

7) Goldilocks: tries every bed in the sleeping room, finds they are all just right for skipping class.

6). Cinderella: assigned Commons Duty for fifth term in a row.

5) Little Mermaid: trades newly-acquired legs for half-baked ice cream in Susie’s.

4) The Pied Piper: lures gullible scooters off campus.

3) The Boy Who Cried Work: (every Lower ever.)

2) Jack and the Beanstalker: Jack files a restraining order.

1) Tangled: Rapunzel joins boys lacrosse team, feels at home with other people who believe that their hair has magical powers.