10) The Gingerbread Man: doesn’t bother running away because everyone has gone gluten-free.
9) Rumpelstiltskin: steals your bae.
8) Emperor’s New Clothes: perfect style for Gommons.
7) Goldilocks: tries every bed in the sleeping room, finds they are all just right for skipping class.
6). Cinderella: assigned Commons Duty for fifth term in a row.
5) Little Mermaid: trades newly-acquired legs for half-baked ice cream in Susie’s.
4) The Pied Piper: lures gullible scooters off campus.
3) The Boy Who Cried Work: (every Lower ever.)
2) Jack and the Beanstalker: Jack files a restraining order.
1) Tangled: Rapunzel joins boys lacrosse team, feels at home with other people who believe that their hair has magical powers.