The Eighth Page


Feeling bleu? Don’t worry because The Chewed Food Network is airing a new show this weekend that goes something like this:

Four chefs face off as they race against time to create a beautiful, three-course meal.
The catch? Trout. Also, they don’t know what ingredients they’ll be given until the competition begins.

Whoever doesn’t make it gets put on the Chewing Block.

In Episode 12, the four Wolfgang pups compete for a prize of 99 cents as they try to make the best Den cookie ever. Students watching the event were skeptical, however, as they doubted they would ever taste a Den cookie better than the current ones for sale.
Despite the public’s lack of faith, the puppies decided to take the challenge; they thought it would be a gouda eggsperience.

In an exclusive interview with The Phillipian, the producers explained that they were considering using doughnuts as the secret ingredient the pups would have to use, but they ended up feeling tired of the hole idea.

Unfortunately, due to a freak blizzard in the middle of April, the judges were unable to make it to the competition, so all of the finished cookies just sat in Susie’s for the entire day. Fortunately, Andover students always pick up after themselves, and the area was soon spotless.

Finally, with famous Chef Boy R.D. stepping in as an honorary judge, the competition commenced.

As the theme song “Hey Chewed” played, the puppies prepared to make their cookies.
However, the puppies were horrified when they opened their baskets and found the secret ingredient to be hot dogs. Weeping, they immediately dropped out of the competition.
Everyone found the ingredients to be soda upsetting, but a group of frat bros were so hungry that they overcame their nausea and were able to bake and eta pi.

Everyone felt very sorry for the puppies, but that’s the way the cookie crumbles.