The Eighth Page

Controversy Postpones GLP Sleepover

On Saturday, the two most prestigious groups of people in Andover, Mass., met in what can only be accurately described as the GLP: Gaudy Luncheon Parley.

The only commonalities between these two groups were their undying commitment to sequins, bisque and all things ‘Southern Living Magazine.’

An issue that put the livelihoods of both groups at stake needed to be discussed; truffle oil was becoming harder and harder to obtain. Soon, there would be only enough truffle oil for one faction.

One side supported decorating all events year-round in pastel decor. A representative from this side shared:

“Pastels create a vibe that is suitable for all that we consume. When sitting around and discussing hors d’oeuvres, one can only wish to see pastels.”

“The conversations that we have can be stress-invoking and there’s nothing like some nice spring hues to lighten a mood. Speaking of light, may I interest you in a polenta square garnished with pine nuts?”

Suddenly a man from the opposing group exclaimed, “Down with the pastels! Down with polenta!” He then proceeded to throw fur-covered gift boxes at everyone in attendance. Inside the boxes was a heavenly risotto. This action confirmed to everyone in attendance that a truce would never be reached.

Both groups were far too gaudy to even consider compromising. To further complicate things, the recipes that were shown were equally deserving of the oil.

This left the mediators with an impossible decision: polenta or risotto?