The Eighth Page

Students Have a Restful Break

The entirety of Instagram would like to inform us that the senior class of 2015 canoed all the way to Paradise Island, equipped with 99 bottles of root beer on the wall.
However reprehensible this excursion may seem at first, the other students of Andover can actually learn from these hardworking and studious seniors.

The first matter that these attentive seniors addressed was the pressing concern of sunscreen application. After a brief but terse discussion, the students came up with the genius idea to stay in their hotel rooms throughout the duration of the trip to bypass the hassle of applying sunscreen and to avoid the potential disaster of freckling. Students spent all day indoors reading #Bohemianpoetry and studying the history of the coconut.

After the students had achieved cultural nirvana, they decided to #rally and turn their attention to various agricultural endeavors. Eager to escape the harsh tropical sun, the students cultivated an indoor vegetable garden, in which they tended to and cared for growing tubers. #turnip.

Despite the students’ efforts to maintain a quiet and restful atmosphere, there occurred a single moment of excitement. A student was discovered in the fetal position on the beach, struggling to update his Instagram as he slowly bled out. When pressed for details, he managed to tell his peers, “#greatwhitesharks, #atemyleg, #worthit, #forthelikes.”
It is evident that this senior class will go down in spring break h15tory.