The Eighth Page

Top Ten: Ways to Secure Votes

10. Mention Chipotle from time to time in your speeches.

9. Understand that neat and flashy posters are worth more than original ideas.

8. Print out your opponents’ Tinder profiles and hand them out in Paresky.

7. Promise that there will be sNOw more puns about the weather.

6. Write articles about your time at Andover and how you dabble in rule-breaking (very relatable).

5. Learn how to appear to be “listening” while actually dreaming of your immeasurable power.

4. Become a Yahtzee champion and showcase your winnings to constituents.

3. Remember that the lack of the word “community” in platforms will result in disqualification and social upheaval.

2. Bribery, duh.

1. Tell them you write for Features.