The Eighth Page

Top Ten: Things That Ruined Valentine’s Day

10. Cupid got drunk on love and accidentally used real arrows.

9. Your date turned out to be Fifty Shades of Creepy.

8. Isham overflowed with students infected by the love in the air.

7. You choked on the engagement ring in your champagne glass.

6. You realized that St. Valentine was beheaded.

5. Your “girlfriend” is still “in Canada.”

4. The cute Blue Key Head who kissed you had mono.

3. Your date at Casa Blanca was incredibly guacward.

2. There was a carnivorous plant in your bouquet.

1. Features isn’t single. #Jumily