The Eighth Page


Vampire Weekend once ellaquently stated, “Who gives an f about an Oxford comma?” This thought-provoking kwuestion marinated in the newsrume for quite some time until Features discoverd the answer.

Copy does! In fact, they exist to give an f about the Oxford comma!!!!

They edit our articles mercilessli in order to catch every tipo, misteak and gramactical erhor. They sumtimes stray from this task, venturing to expose the objectionabilitee of our jokes, but we keep kalm and kerry on.

Their presence in the newsroom is always uplifting, even though their copy jokes tire quickly. You can’t say anything too loudly in the newsrume without hearing it repeted in a mocking tone by some snarky copycat.

“Who took the last Gushers?!?” “Who took the last Gushers?”

So obnoxious. However, as much as people want to tell them to stop, no one dares to go up against King Kyle and Mayor Devlin.