The Eighth Page

Top Ten: Ways to Get Out of Sports

10. Fake an injury.

9. Organize a strike, and only stop when the LAX team gets a bagpiper. #Deerfield

8. Actually get injured.

7. Tell the department, “I would prefer not to.”
#Bartleby

6. Do a rain dance.

5. Pretend you are in ‘Theatre,’ which is apparently a sport…

4. “My pinky hurts.”

3. Contract Swine Flu.

2. ’Tis not merely a flesh wound!

1. Stakeout with Features.