The Eighth Page

¡Spring Breakers!

Hey guys!

I miss you so much! Did you notice I was gone? I’m sure you did! Well, I know I wrote you that letter earlier about my plans, but here’s another update. As you know, I was so excited to visit the sandy beaches of Jamaica. I stuffed three pairs of Crocs, some flamboyant bathing suits, my flowery t-shirt collection and my new portable fish tank, the Aquamatic-430 LITE, into my bag — don’t worry, it was still lighter than my backpack at school!

After the usual four-and-a-half-hour plane delay, I finally boarded, but ended up getting caught between a rock and a hard place while sitting between two hefty men. Even though I paid for an entire seat, they did not seem to feel that I deserved one.

Once I finally departed from the plane and headed towards the baggage claim, I learned that my suitcase had mistakenly been shipped off to Timbuktu, and because I had chosen Malaysian Airlines, there was little chance I would ever see it again. While I admit I was disappointed about losing the fishtank, I now had the chance to fill my wardrobe with some totally rad “I be heartin’ da Sun, man” T-shirts. And that’s as dope as Lance Armstrong.

After a quick tour of some tacky boutiques, I took a car over to the hotel. The dramatic increase in temperature from the cold wasteland we call “New England” soothed my freeze-dried skin.

When I woke up the next morning in paradise, I threw on a bathing suit, and, apart from a small blob in the shape of a heart around my belly button, I did not put on my sunblock.

Whilst floating belly-up contemplating the meaning of life in the big blue ocean, I eventually noticed a flurry of pink circles awfully reminiscent of jellyfish drifting towards me. I decided to wade over and play with them.

I woke up two days later in the hospital with my body bloated and red. Scolding me for something along the lines of being too hot (literally), the doctors told me I had sun poisoning and an unhealthy amount of jellyfish stings. I was to stay hospitalized for the remaining two weeks of break. Fortunately, I love Jello and other such hospital delicacies. Hospital gowns are the latest addition to my spring wardrobe. #trendsetter

Love you guys!

-James Flynn