The Eighth Page

The Adventures of Quick Drawin’ Bill

Quick Drawin’ Bill, otherwise known as Skeeter, or, to his close friends, Bill, was born with the name in a Native American cave on the eve of a Tuesday. His mother was an Iroquois Artist in Residence, and his father was wind itself.

Before he could walk, Bill was drawing all over the place. He drew on saloon walls, his clothes, spare napkins and even his own mother. However, there was somethin’ special in ol’ Bill’s quick and timely drawings, spewing out of his imagination like water out of a super-soaker.

In fact, upon inspection, each and every one of Bill’s drawings is extremely intricate and detailed. What he draws in less than a second turns out to be a preciously precocious work of art, earning him the name Quick Drawin’ Bill.

As he grew older, Quick Drawin’ Bill’s quick draw grew infamous among all art classes, ranging from 225 A to C. One art student stated in an interview for Farts and Pleasure that she “was extremely surprised by the caliber of Skeeter’s drawings… especially after seeing how his creative process was extremely uncontrolled and disappointingly quick.”

Bill uses all sorts of materials to capture the essence of his speedy drawings. Most of his contemporary work is done on tissues and bathroom walls, but some of his more classy drawings come on oriental rugs or various furniture.

The life of a man such as Bill is a lonely one. Quick Drawin’ Bill’s drawings are so sporadic that even those closest to him refuse to play any role in his quick
and sometimes dry draws. He said it is art, but they complain.

Only unsuspecting Juniors, wandering around Elson Desert late at night, would agree to draw with Bill. They recalled the experience, saying that they were “really excited going into it, but utterly dissatisfied when, only seconds after touching his pen to the paper, Bill feverishly finished drawing.”

As a result, the Skeeter became very depressed, withdrawing to his ranch and incessantly drawing himself in order to hone his skills. According to his neighbors, it seems as though he had begun exploring Jackson Pollock-esque techniques. He drew ravenously through the night, night after night.

Bill wasn’t alone for long, as the great plains began to whisper about one known as Draws with Lightning. After a tearful day-time television reunion and DNA test, they soon realized they were long lost brothers, Lightning coming from the Wind side of the family.

In an attempt to draw with someone again, Quick Drawin’ Bill challenged Lightning to a standoff. Whoever could make more consecutive swift drawings wins, assuming they are of a high calibre. Recently, Bill and Lightning have gotten carried away and have been producing quickdraws for the past two weeks.

More questions do remain. Will Quick Drawin’ Bill find companionship in his new found half-brother? Are there more drawers out there that are speedy to finish their drawings? Stay tuned to learn more about the adventures of Quick Drawin’ Bill and his side-kick, Draws with Lightning.