The Eighth Page

New Students Phorm Phresh Band

Over its years of corporate dominance, DEFeatures has seen a lot of bands, groups, DJ’s, hipsters, mobsters and singers rise from the proletariat to take to the studio and bang out some tunes. Well, Music Lovers, we’re here to tell you that the hip new band, The Phreshmen, is really something for the History-100 books. This freshmen-exclusive sensation started back in the fall of ’12 as just a couple of rebellious kids trying to make it in a big academy. They met in the little known Music-215, a class made for people who attempted the placement test but dropped it like a beat, and so they instantly bonded. When the lead singer Shnam-Zizzle (Howard Jacobs ’16) suggested that they meet during Conference period to work on a group composition, the other members, Supah-Crispy (Matt Phillips ’16), Mega-Powah (James Wallace ’16), and Bob (Bob ’16) leapt forth like a group of monkeys who had listened to too much K-pop. And so, the stage was set. The only thing the band needed was a hit single to launch them into stardom. Supah described the moment of conception of their first song in a recent interview: “It was crazy. I was attempting to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the sitar, Shnam was reciting a Shakespeare poem to the tune of some dubstep, and Mega was to trying sound out the national anthem on a recorder. I honestly don’t know what Bob was doing; he normally just sits there and moves his head back and forth. Anyways, when we heard those three music forms clash together, coupled with some others students plugging their ears and screaming as they ran from us, we realized that a song was there.” The band’s definition of “song” has not yet been confirmed to be correct. The band claims to not have had an easy ride, though every single upperclassman has told them to stop complaining because they are freshmen and have no work. According to Mega, “I think the upperclassmen are jealous of our success or something. They seem to mind it when we set up in Lower Right and gave them a free sample of our jingles during every breakfast, lunch and dinner. Who doesn’t like a taste of “the Phresh?” Clearly, the sky is the limit for these young rockers.