The Eighth Page

Audiences Reject Best Picture Category Deemed Entirely Too Mainstream

Some people spend their whole lives working toward winning Best Picture or Best Lead Actress, but the latest award ceremony has proved once again that people only respect winners of Best Foreign Film, Best Documentary, Best Score and other WILDEly popular and well known categories. These films truly encompass the thoughtful spirit of America, who now disdain MTV films that are really just MTV hits television programming.

What makes these categories so appealing? Surveys show that most people just want to seem sophisticated and see other categories as simply “too mainstream” and “sooo 2010.” There has also been much uproar over the academy’s snub of the movie “Trill,” a provocative combination of MTV shows “True Life” and “The Real World” detailing their experience in a world touring mariachi band. Americans also love inspiring shows such as “16 and [NOT] Expecting, and Wait It’s My Birthday Too!” and “I Didn’t Know I Was Expecting, Until My Super Sweet 16!”, programs detailing the big dreams of really, really, exceedingly, ridiculously real people expecting greatness. Also on the list of anticipated movies is a Dutch film with Chinese subtitles in which the main character, Jorge, dies within the first 5 minutes, and the rest of the movie is spent watching the reactions of people who encounter his body. One moviegoer, Lewis Bowells, explained “Wow, that was such powerful stuff. I mean, 200 minutes of the man’s body. Nobody’s ever thought of that.”

Although the actors are all Austro-Hungarian royalty, the film is still praised for its “unreal” diversity. The Chinese subtitles mixed with the sheer brilliance of the actor portraying the dead man was truly breathtaking.

As usual, the announcement of Best Lead Actress and Best Picture were seen as opportunities to take SnapChats, tweet, and play Temple Run 2. An indie band, The Weekdy, was hired to entertain people during these awards. The performance was met with widespread opposition; the audience wanted a band with more spelling errors in their name to play loud enough to drown out these heinous the awards announcements. The unpopularity of these categories was evident at the end of the night when Beyoncé accepted her award for Best Lead Actress, and an audience member yelled, “Nobody will ever put a ring on it! You are forever a single lady!!”