The Eighth Page

Andover Blue Without the Blue?

As of last Monday, PVS, Andover’s local pharmacy, confirmed that it has run out of Selsun Blue.

Because PVS seems to be the only pharmacy that exists in our lovely town of Andover, people are in panic. Two to three days after everyone’s most recent use of the dandruff shampoo, Andover has seen the biggest blizzard in its history.

PVS officials released a statement saying, “We at PVS understand that people are worried, and we are doing the best to help the situation, but our store still carries our much cheaper, generic brand.”

That being said, Andover townspeople still refuse to wear black with out the blue. When asked why they don’t just buy the generic brand, locals say that “it’s just not the same” or “It’s called loyalty.” The transition must be brutal.

Meteorologists report that the storm, now coined Scalpy, is centered over the local nursing home. Scalpy has affected thousands, and the toll is predicted to rise uncontrollably in the coming days.

Efforts to alleviate the natural disaster have been futile. Roads are closed, and power is down in most of the town. All public schools in the area have been closed until further notice, but the prestigious Phillips Academy continues to hold classes saying, “a few dry flakes never hurt anybody.”

Most PA students are unaffected by the storm and don’t care, but some students have a different point of view. Cries of terror were heard from dormitories everywhere as their residents discovered their pea coats strewn with white flakes.

In a useless effort to clean their coats, after even sending them out to all-knowing stain removers E&R, the students sought some homemade advice from their mothers back home, knowing that these ladies can really fix anything. Sadly, nothing could be done.

Although the worst seems to be over, let’s just hope we can keep our heads on our dusted shoulders.