The Eighth Page

Survey Says Exeter Students Have Small Decks

In a recent poll done by architectural professionals, Exeter students were shown to have small decks. “Yeah my porch is pretty tiny,” said student Richard Smalls ’14 in an interview with the Exonian. This data was collected by a small research group of Exeter students interested in seeing how their porches stack up to those of others. The researchers who conducted the survey have posited many theories for this pattern. One hypothesis, put forth by lead researcher Agro Csesteed ’13, is that since most Exeter students have small feet, they must also all have small decks, because you need less space on your porch if you have smaller feet, right? Another theory for this conundrum is that Exeter students have small hands and therefore their decks are made of small wood, because their small hands can only hold small pieces of wood when building their porches, because Exeter students build their own porches, right? Right! Some students feel self conscious about these poll results. A certain Roger Baggins ’14 said, “People say my porch is small, but I measured it and I think its average. Like it’s not big, but it’s definitely not small.” Yeah, ok. The square footage seems a little low. The reason that girls weren’t polled in this research is simple: all the researchers were male carpenters, and like all boys who are concerned with deck size, they were all too scared to talk to girls. Also, none of the girls dorms have porches outside.