Exeter Launches Monkey Into Space
Girabaldo, Exeter’s pet monkey, was launched into space this past Sunday. In a statement to The Exonian, he said, “ooh ooh ahh ahh!” Insightful, Girabaldo. We will miss him dearly, as he was the most sociable and least hairy member of the Exeter community.
Behind Loneliness, Harkness Most Common Student Trait
Hark go the angels. But there are no angels at this school. However, there are many students who exhibit the great trait of Hark. What is Hark anyway? Is it that smell you give off when you are no fun? We at The Exonian believe that it is that thing when you need to have a table to be able to talk. Otherwise, Exeter students do not have the ability to talk to people directly.
Exeter Administration Mandates Mangoes
Exeter administration forces mangoes on students. “Well, better than the stuff we get at our dining hall,” said That Guy ’13. Big seeds. Monster seeds. One seed to rule them all! When asked why they did it, they said, “Why do we even do anything around here?”
Exeter Administration: “Man dates, man goes”
The Exeter administration has implemented a new school rule that states that any man who enters into a relationship must go. See what we did there?
Exeter Admits That It WAS Them Who Farted
When asked whether it was them, they initially denied it. However, increased accusations caused the Administration to sheepishly state, “It was us.”
Subscribe to The Phillipian Newsletter!
Read the week’s top stories from The Phillipian, curated for your inbox. Subscribe here!