The Eighth Page

Things To Take Into Account When You’re Voting

10. Hair style

9. Track (and Field) record

8. Hot dogs per minute

7. Basketball skills

6. Number of Olympics organized

5. The candidates’ opinion (on a scale of 1-10) of how much fun Gelb dance is

4. Which colour you prefer (red or blue)

3. Women’s rights… (Features has an agenda!)

2. How recently you got a new horse and/or bayonet

1. Plan for military intervention in the Arts section